This past week has been a week of hoping and wondering what-if. What if I were pregnant?? I searched endless online for similar experiences & it made me hope. This morning, God told me it wasn't time yet. In the midst of this pain, I'm learning God is still holy above all. Today it sunk in that Janet's child will be born around the same time Peanut would have been born. I find myself constantly wondering if I would have posted something like that or if I would have asked the same thing. I feel like I let him down. Like I disappointed him. When he found out I was pregnant, he said he loved me more, if that were even possible. Now that I'm not pregnant, I have doubts wether he still does.